mY sWeeTesT MeMorieS

2008-04-04T10:52:00.002+08:00

Wow... So long din make my blog alive... Haha... Been busy with my career... I m now a official regular in SCDF as a Paramedic. Passing out from my training in Oct if everything smooth smooth. SJAB side, hmmm, my dear dear junior nvr disappoint me. They r the diamonds. haha. As years go by, looking back ,seems like that yr when we wanted badly for our 1st GOLD is so worth it. Since then, GOLD seems to be a essential in my sch. Tears, hard work, commitment are parts of the GOLD but afterall, it is worth it.

Haha... Juz for fun...

2007-08-29T13:00:00.000+08:00

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Miss me??!!

2007-08-16T23:22:00.000+08:00

8 mths didn't blog a single word. Have I disappear? Yes I have. Hiding in my whole cave. With caves as my shelter.

Been busy and suay. Dunno why. Probably lady luck is not shining on me. Is still me, myself, alone. Haiz. Maybe I should juz ignore the feeling. The kind of shit feeling.

Friends come and go. Human live and die. Part and parcel of life but do we have any regrets anyway. Yes I do. I regretted alot. I lost too much on this journey till today. Maybe ending soon? I really dunno.

I miss him, I miss them. Anyone can bring them back? If yes, I will be overjoyed. At least I am given a chance to make up my regrets. I love them wholeheartedly. Do they know and understand?

More n more troubles, more n more stress．M I capable to handle? I really dunno. Juz let days after days pass till the day I can't pull thru and that's the end of my story.

Everyone is a story, has a story or even participating in other's story. Story eventually will still end. But happy or sad, good or bad? I really dunno. I only hope my story has him, has them. Will they be in my story?

5 love languages

2007-01-12T21:51:00.000+08:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		10
Quality Time:		9
Acts of Service:		5
Words of Affirmation:		5
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Bad day...

2006-11-07T09:25:00.000+08:00

Ystd went to my SCDF last 2nd test before I get officially selected. How disappointed when I know I am not performing up to the standard. It's abt doing transportation of a guy down the stair from 3rd story using canvas sheet and together with me is all the equipment like O2 tank etc... On the 1st round I am ok but to the 2nd and 3rd round, I m drain... So disappointed... I guess I will fail ba... Will know the result by Wed or Thur.

Lately keep on being sick... Has been on MC for quite sometime... Feel so bad that I promise to help in the NCOC committee yet din help at all... Haiz... Feel so guilty and sorry to all the NCOC ppl... Owed U guys a big "SORRY"...

Got life or no life?

2006-10-23T10:51:00.000+08:00

Haha... so paiseh... always take so long to blog a new entry... from today onwards, wanna change... at least 3 entry from me per week... :P (PS: Hope I can do it...)

Have happiness n sadness over the weekend... Happy that I get a chance to go to Lee Hom's concert though is a damn last min notification with the free "special access ticket for all area" just using my T-shirt logo. Haha, who else have shall special priveilage other than SJAB... Gd thing I manage to change into casual duty attire with SJ T-shit and jeans and sport shoes from initially, a sleeves blouse and jeans with slippers without going home in 1 hr. In fact in the morning, I was having NCOC meeting at 0930. Talking abt this, Venod tat day feels like killing me... Haha... When he sms me at 0845, he asked me where m I already. Without thinking much, I replied him on my bed... Haha... He was telling me during lunch that he really feel like killing me when he saw the sms as I still have the guts to reply him this... But despite I was still in bed then, I was not late... Coz I took a cab with Venod waiting for me at HQ to pay for my cab fare... Haha... dun mistaken... this money is he owed me previously de... Haha...

During the NCOC meeting, I really feel like talking back to the committee... Do they really know wat they planning and doing? They keep saying they gave us the course timetable but this is not what we want... Arghhhh... Keep emphasing initiative initiative but issue is they din give us a clear picture wat they doing yet keep telling us what we can't do. So piss off so I grumbled to Venod during lunch time with JianLin also... I know they are trying something new but this is not the way... To be frank, I think this course is going to be a failure... Coz the committee tot and assumed all the things and expect us to know what they think also and when it's done, is not what they want from us. Haiz... Pray hard for miracle... Dare to comment so much in my blog coz no junior know I have a blog... Whahaha... To be frank,I din do much during the camp or should say I was not there most of the time but is roy who did the most... So touched to have him as me DyGM... Well, enough of NCOC... The more I say the more I m disappointed...

After the meeting, went to Keypoint to eat chicken rice... Ended up I nearly puked... There is a worm in my noodle... Yucks... Straight away complain... They change a new plate for me but still eeeee.... The memories are still there so I ate carefully... At 1645, Simon called me saying got a urgent duty can I get him ppl for the duty. He told me to tell them the attire and report at 1800. Is Lee Hom's concert duty... Straight away I call Regina, ask her get me ppl... Thanks to Regina, Cindy and Wenting... They really coordinate very very well... They can Cindy's father to send them down to HQ. After calling them, I called JH... Coz he is waiting for me in server room. He also agreed but with a little grumbled for being so last minute... Then he accompany me to go MW to the gym to collect my sport shoes. Then we rush back to HQ to prepare equipment coz Simon also rushing down... Haha... On our way, I called Dennis and Rafi... Rafi responded so off he rush down to meet us in the stadium as when we inform him is like already 0530. Ended up, we are able to respond in time... Haha...

The concert is a very simple one... Without very special effect or design on Lee Hom clothing or even stage design but yet the concert was so impressive. He is really a multi talented singer... He can play piano, volin, erhu, guitar,drum and best of all he can sing and dance well... Impressive... Well, our dinner was settle there also with Henry's treat as this duty is his de... Is McDonald again... Haha... Well, all these juz happen in a day, on Deepavali, a Public Holiday, a saturday... Well, is this no life or is this a interesting life?

Applied for new job

2006-09-26T09:21:00.000+08:00

I am so happy and excited... I have applied the job as a Paramedic in SCDF... And on thur I am going down for the 3rd round of tests. Hope I passed and clear it... Praying hard hard... Haha... Lately, Enoch is admitted to TTSH. Well, guess he has overworked himself... And a very big piece of good news, Sarizan is back... After so long... Finally...

My current life filled with misery

2006-09-11T17:06:00.000+08:00

Feel so down lately though trying to put up a happy front. Dunno y feel like escaping to a far away place. At night, look at the ceiling, think through what exactly I have done for myself, for him, for someone that once exist in my life. Good thing, during late night I still have my 2 little hamsters, hamgy and pigster, to accompany me and also him who almost daily accompany me as much as he could and send me home, chat with me on the phone.

I know he is trying hard to fill up the wound in my heart created by the someone. But despite how much he try, the wound all along is there and keeps existing there. Even the wound heals, it also left a scar. He told me to give myself ample time to make my way to the rainbow where he is at, cause he will stay there and wait patiently. He knows that on this journey there, I have already hurt myself badly. I really wonder if I strive so hard to make my way there, ending he is still not on my rainbow how... Sleepless night practically every night... Stand by the window, watch the road, watch the sky or even at time have some "surprise" seeing the happening at my opposite flat's master bedroom between the couple.

The origin of the wound started with happiness, blissful life... But it juz takes 1 decision to change everyone's fate. The someone came into my heart and occupied part of my heart and left me. He is with me when the someone left me. He reassured me, stood by me and felt wat I felt. I told him I felt like the whole world left me but he told me no he didn't leave me and I am not going to be alone on this. He told me he felt guilty cause it's as if he brought this to me. I told him if he didn't start with her so soon, maybe our story might be more simpler, maybe the someone will not even exist between us. I told him for the very 1st time I hate her and I am hurt badly. He ask me if he break will I feel better. I replied him I dunno. He told me he ended his relationship with her. He tried all means and ways to lighten me up and trying to brighten my life. I felt so guilty. Is as if he ended his relationship because of me though he claimed is not. I dunno. I know very well we won't start any time so soon as we both need time to smoothen our mood, slow down our pace and see clearer are we meant to be a pair.

My world seems to turn upside down with him and her and the someone's presence. I lost him to her follow behind I lost the someone because of him and her also because of myself ba. My life is already with regrets. Now, lead one day is one day ba... If we are meant to be together, we will eventually be together de... 2 parrallel lines, given a day and the right chance, they will still be able to make their way to meet each other and land on the same route de. Since nothing much I can do now, only way is to keep myself going on and hope all misery will end soon and me and him will get back on our normal life, normal routine ba...

Good thing u r here...

2006-08-02T16:11:00.000+08:00

***Breaking open from stones***

Haha... After long time stoning, having cramps and pains le... Finally decided to break open the stoning me and drop a entry... Life lately is so filled with ups and downs, too much problems and things to cope. Pressing on me so hard till I hardly can breathe... Good thing he is all along there for me, be it attached or single. Thanks friends who know wat happen yet still stand by me and give me support. Think if I m alone on this I definitely will collapse and give up hope in life. Ppl come and go from my life. But the pain hurts more when they came into your life and yet left u before you notice them. From this incident, I learn to treasure ppl around me more especially him, my true love. Be it will we end up together but ecause of this incident, we know that each other in each other's hearts are can't be moved or replaced. We both stand an important role in each other heart. At least for the time being, I know I can't do without him and he can't do without me. As for future, let time decide ba see will he be at the rainbow end like wat he say, waiting for me. But at least for the upcoming 1 mth despite we will be close to each other's life, guess he and I will want to be alone 1st to enjoy our singlehood and to get over with what has happen ba. Wish us all the best...

Is Monday again....

2006-06-26T10:09:00.000+08:00

Sian sian sian... Monday blues... A lot of things happened over the weekend. Zone meeting, KTV, Changi beach trip etc...

On sat, went to HQ for Zone meeting. Overwhelming response is the 1st impression when I step into the room. Saw long lost faces like Alex. Saw Ms Chan after her honeymoon but haiz, Ms Chan din buy us honeymoon gifts. Is ok... After tat 8 of us went for streamboat session at Golden Mill. 1st time go there without him beside me. But I enjoyed. Love the food there. Then we went to Shaw for Starbuck. Haha... We proudly presented to the guys our gossip ability. Haha...

Oh ya not forgetting one of the weekdays night we few girls went to Sushinbo to eat. Fantastic... haha... After tat went Paulanders again for drinks with Tony. So long din enjoy such life le...

Yesterday went Changi beach. Have an enjoyable moment to look at the sea, the planes and talking abt life with my dear friend. So happy we spend such wonderful afternoon and appreciate that he brought me there. Think 1 day I really wanna go myself to taste all the food there myself. Haha.

Aiya, alot of bullshit coz dunno what to write also. Now very confused... Those who know what's going on will know why ba... Haha... That's all for today ba...

Good old Memories...

2006-06-14T17:13:00.000+08:00

Some photos to share... Took them quite sometime back but no time to scan and load up... Though a bit too late but that were the good old memories... Look, he smile so innocent and sweet which he seldom does.

When dreams past, memories last...

2006-06-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

Read this in my old blog... Suddenly felt so much for this passage... Submitted this to his testimonial too...
+++++++++++++++++++
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Learnt something from my corps camp... Things pass just let it go as it is... If it came back, is a bonus... If it dun, take it as it is... Dun hold it back... This applied to conflict management, life and also my current relationship status. Think this camp help me... I dunno if I could do it but I think I will try... At least I wouldn't hurt him or myself even more...

Child or Adult...

2006-06-11T09:53:00.000+08:00

When you grow up, you will tend to wonder when you can be back like a child, so worry-free... In my corps camp, I found myself got to think like a adult, behave like a adult. But who knows deep within me I longed to be a child, I long to be my dear's princess... 1 without much worries, 1 with his protection to shield me from all the worries and ease my burden. But now I can't coz he is no longer with me... I got to stand up myself and face everything. I know I still have his support but can't help to feel helpless even though once I did that. Looking at the cadets, I felt I am once like them. Why I are be like them again... Haiz...

Time will cure all wounds right? But why I thought I already coping quite well with my breakup yet I still feel hurt when his friendster change his status and when I saw their 2 de testimonial for each other? I know maybe dun see I won't get hurt, won't feel the pain but since now I saw le, what can I do then will ease the pain? Wonder how he feel when he see my blog or even wonder does he visit my blog... I know I should get over, pick myself up and move on but now I felt I have no strength at all. Felt as if everyone has given up on me and I am so alone. It seems like I fell into a dark dark world all by myself and I can't pick myself up or feel any warmth. Time like dun cure me... I can temporary forget and try my very best to move on but is so temporary. Every morning wake up also feel back the same. Haiz... Anyway, I will try... Try even harder to get over...

To him: I wonder you read my blog but it seems that you do or you dun doesn't matter anymore. You have your life to lead. But as wat you know, my curiousity is high so I really wonder. Saw you 2 de testimonial for each other. Hope you will soon reunited with her. So long you happy will do...

A refreshed memory...

2006-06-10T00:28:00.000+08:00

Today 5th day of his ICT... I also took leave... Dun misunderstand, is not because of him instead is because of my corps camp... How long have it been since I last went to my corps. Maybe I really neglected a lot of things in my life... Today let me refound myself back.I once again can stand in front of my cadets putting on my self confidence and help and educate them with the right value. Not to deny miss him will still have but when I am in my corps, I realise that I really can put aside him and do my stuff well. Even Simon also surprised by my ending wacking on the cadets as I appear to be rather soft. Never deny I am quite relieved when I heard his medical review result still the same which in other words did not get worst. That's good... I got alot of recognisation in my corps today... Felt so happy... After these 2 weeks of depress mode, finally I found myself useful. So happy...

To him: I think I found my aims of life... Though still miss you but I am rather better le... Guess it wouldn't take too long to forget you ba... But hope you still can stand by me and support me juz like any best friend of mine which I have. Love you...

M I silly or M I not???

2006-06-08T09:27:00.000+08:00

3rd day of his ICT has passed... Today is the 4th day. Sometime just can't help to think especially in the quiet early morning that am I silly or am I not? If I am not silly, why can't I get over him and move on? But if I am silly, isn't that I am hurting him and myself more? Ppl tend to say, girls when is time to be stupid be stupid, when it is time to be smart be smart. Isn't this self deceiving? But anyway, the fairytale between me and him has ended isn't it? Probably is I am silly to carry some hopes on him. But do you understand that between us we have so many roles to play... A initimate friend, a confident, a colleague, a best friend, a senior, a true love and more and more even a boyfriend once... I am not a computer which once ppl click delete, all the datas will be erased. I am also not a computer where can clearly define when is wat role. Everything seems to be so mess up when I am a human. I juz cannot wanna this then will get this. You can call me silly but I juz can't help keep missing him keep thinking of him and keep worrying for him. Haiz, what should I do?

Ppl always say time will cure. But how time cures me when I am sinking deeper and deeper. I can't help to blame time for not being on our side. But think thru, isn't us who should grab hold of time. Haiz... What should I do when I felt that the spark between me and him is getting stronger? Maybe is single side but doesn't he feel for me still too?

Haiz... Better dun think... Anyway, they will soon be official le mah so why hesitate and think so much.... Just hope he will turn back one day and best before my birthday... Is mine is mine not point forcing... Haiz...

Blessing in disguise

2006-06-06T13:20:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Second day of his ICT... Miss him even much... Felt so bad to miss him although I shouldn't now but juz can't help it... Lately after our breakup, I actually felt the sparks getting better & stronger compared to before our breakup... Maybe is really blessing in disguise... Better than we previously like that... At least know I know where our problem is and I know what I want better. Funny thing is we now can manage to spend quality time which I always pestering him for as I used to complain we only have quatity time and not quality time. Haha... Don't you all agree is somehow a blessing in disguise? Now even though we are not together, it won't stop me from loving him, contacting him or even understand him more. How I wish we will be together again... This time I won't take him for granted le... This time I will treasure him more le... Never mind... Let this be my hope before my birthday... Or even who knows a better guy might come along.

To him: You know me very well and I am sure you will always be there for me. Like what I told you this morning, I promise I will be your strong and brave princess waiting for you to book out. I won't cry without you beside me. It pains me when you teared so dear, only cry when someone is with you. Dun take everything by yourself. Now we might not be together because you have your aims of life to achieve. But who knows what will happen. So long you are happy it will do. Just like you will say so long I am happy it will do. I won't bottle up and hide away from you le... I thought that through. If really I did tat, just find me back and convince me and bring me back to sense cause the reason I do so is because of you. Really hope you will be in time to give me my best birthday present for my 21st birthday. I never regret meeting you and I love you... Miss you, dear...

Confused yet happy...

2006-06-05T11:23:00.000+08:00

Today he went for his ICT. Now recalled back, we 2 had so many dates which is unforgetable:

9 December 2005 - We watched "Perhaps Love" and he posted me with the golden qns.
16 December 2005 - My birthday and we 2 kissed with a pokey in our mouth.
17 December 2005 - We 2 1st time went to attend Gary's wedding as a form of BF n GF. Prior to this we went shopping for my clothes to be wore for the day.
24 December 2005 - We went for countdown for our 1st Christmas. And we have a filling christmas eve dinner at Liang Seah street with Xin and Steve.
31 December 2005 - We spend our countdown for our 1st new year and we meet up with my buddies.
9 January 2006 - Our 1st mth was celebrated in Suntec Convention Hall where we have my most favourite streamboat.
29 January 2006 - I gave him my trust to him as his birthday present.
14 Feburary 2006 - We celebrated our 1st Valentine Day at Suntec and I bought him his favourite Black Forest cake which is in heart shape while he gave me a ring bought from Moshi Moshi.
16 March 2006 - I joined his company to work as helpdesk engineer.
26 May 2006 - We ended our relationship with me breaking down in his hug.
28 May 2006 - We went out as good friends eating our lunch at Northpoint Tappanyaki then heading to Pasir Ris park and we discussed our relationship problem and we ended up enjoying our time playing on the swing and after that, we head down to Expo for the MPH book fair and Food fair.
2 June 2006 - I took out the courage and had dinner with Enoch, Rena and him. Ending all my appetite gone despite how he serve to me or peel prawn for me. Because the one beside him doing all the sweet action to him is once me.
4 June 2006 - Ms Chan wedding day and we meet in the afternoon to meet up and chat before he go for his ICT on 5th Jun. I broke down and cried in his hug coz I simply wanna let him go but I can't. Ending all my makeup gone and even some stain on his polo shirt. Wat a waste of my effort to makeup.
5 June 2006 - This is the day he went for his ICT. A few weeks ago I already started preparing what I should do on these days without him. Miss him, miss him and still miss him... But now seems is not very right for me to do so le. Even though officially he is not attached. But I can't help it and still will miss him.

Wanna tell him: I am happy when you say you still feel for me but just tat it is not as strong as her. But is good enough for me. I know she is not happy abt me smssing u so I decided maybe for your good I won't sms you if I can. Someone told me love you need not hold u back but trust u and give u my support so long you are happy. But hope you know like wat you say you 2 r not together officially still so in fact I felt I sms u also nothing wrong. I love you and I MISS YOU...

Our BreakUp

2006-05-30T09:24:00.000+08:00

Well, here to share the news we have ended. We broke up already. Sad, disappointment bounds to comes along but friends who know me well enough I had started to take in this fact already. I know you guys are there for me so is a very important person though our status are different.

Regards to this relationship, I had learnt a lot and appreciate alot. Though the ending is not something I want but I dun intend to give up. Best friends ard me know very well what I gain in this relationship. Friends like Venod even tell me I have much more laughter when I was with him. When I was in love with him, I believe all my friends shared my joy and I felt so fortunate to have him. So instead of giving up, I decided maybe we 2 give ourselves some rooms, know each other better. Maybe during this journey we might find our own love which need not be each other but deep inside me currently, I still hope ultimately after rounds ard the bushes, I will still find him as the one I waited so long for.

He might find his too. I wish him all the best and give him my blessing. My dear friends, if the day comes and he is attached, dun be angry with him. Coz this is something I wanna give him and I hope he knows when he fell again, I m there for him. U guys can go ahead to call me silly and stupid. But I believe this is my way of loving him and understanding him. I know him well enough to guess his thoughts. Some time it might be wrong but I hope it would be right. Juz like now, if I dun let go, in fcat we will be more unhappy and we would get days like how we had in the past 2 days. These past 2 days though he is no longer my bf but he is still my dearest friend who share my feeling, understand my pain and be there for me. He left beautiful memories for me and I will not forget. Who knows what will happen in the future right? We might end up as a pair again which currently I hope for this strongly or he will find his own love and I will find my too.

He told me once, love someone sometime letting go is also a form of love. Initially, I dun believe... Now I do... He gave me too many promises & even though not all came true, I wanna say you still have the whole life ahead of u to prove it true to me. This moment I hope is short parting or it might be long but this parting I now is definate that it is a good parting. You can go ahead finish up what you hope for and I myself also can.

To him: I wanna tell u this 2 days wat u answered me and what you gave me I m gladful enough. A little sparks between us is better than there isn't when we heading towards breakup. Though one might be stronger and one might be weaker but I still wanna give myself some hope that who knows one day down the road, the one stronger might also fade. I trust you know my presence. I am going to win you back using my true ability if I can and who knows my self confidence might get myself a better guy than u... Hehe... But remember despite what is coming up next, I will always be here for you. I love you...

Nearly forgotten u...

2006-05-22T10:51:00.000+08:00

Nearly forgot this blog of mine... Very hard to maintain it regular... Coz I too lazy... Haha... Well, let you guys view my latest photos.

Awaken again...

2006-03-17T19:52:00.000+08:00

I M BACK.... Haha... After MIA so long from my blog... Well, started working life... Working at shhhhhh, secret... Haha... Well well, someone told me if I can carry on working here for more than 1 yrs n still able to maintain my bf n my relationship, we can prepare go get married... Wat a joke... Do I look as though I will settle down so early? Haha... Anyway, during this period of MIA, happy and sad things come n go... I once get very depressed and good thing he stood by me and help me through. I know he also vomiting blood talking to me but too bad, who ask me is his gf... Haha... Sad with him not able to fulfil his promises to me but afterall he given me the best he could. Actually I maybe also a bit demanding. Happy that we are together for 3 mths le... Worried that this is the end of our honeymoon period... Will we, dear? Haiz... Better dun worry for nothing or he will get angry again... Haha...

Do this look like devil (him) & angel (me!!!)?

Zone Competition also juz ended. Proudly announcing YTSS got into 1st and 3rd for Nursing Adult Section and 2nd for Nursing Cadets section. AND 1 better news... WE GOT GOLD this year... Haha... 2nd Gold in YTSS SJAB history...

Blogging after such a long "busy" period

2006-02-20T21:59:00.000+08:00

Haha... "Someone" complaining I not blogging so must make clear is I too busy ok? Haha...

Well, during this period of time, nothing special except that I started working at NTUC Income, one street across dear's office. And neverless, our 1st "V" day.

Our "V" Day
Haiz, that day we both were working coz is on tue. He is very tired and piss off looking when we met after work coz I made him waited for me under my office building for more than 15 min. I tried to please him while we head towards Suntec City to eat. I choose to eat at crystal jade coz I have craving for ramen but dear dun take ramen so nearest replacement is la mian. It's so ramp and crowded inside there. After eating, when we walk out, dear decided to donate for a old man to buy 2 ticket frm the old man while I am being attracted by the lovely black forest cake which crystal jade bakery offered. It's so beautiful. So I decided to buy that for dear coz he seemed so moody. Dear was complaining that I bought him such big cake then how he eat moreover buy before our shopping trip. Haha... He dunno this meant to punish him for being so moody... Blah...

Haha... Then we head to Millenium Walk after Suntec. I was drawn to those chocolate at candy empire. So tasty looking. In fact, in the afternoon I already ate a chocolate cake which my colleuge bought frm Fullerton. That's fantastic. But I controlled so I din buy any. But not soon later, I am drawn to another thing.

A ring at Moshi Moshi... Haha... Dear decided to buy that for me as my valentine day's gift. So this is my gift frm him. I am so happy over this... Wanted to buy a ring very long ago le...

Dear, want to tell you, regardless how much problems we faced, I love you so much... Thanks dear...

Some photos blogging

2006-02-03T10:02:00.000+08:00

CNY

2006-01-29T14:18:00.000+08:00

Happy doggie year to all of u... Hehe... Originally not much mood for new year but last night after spending the countdown at chinatown, the new year mood came back... Talking abt yesterday, Mr Delta Tango late again... Made all of us waited for him for 1 hr... Haiz... He really got to make friend with punctuality. Desperately... But good thing, we had an enjoyable group of people there to entertain n made fun of. After which, I met dear at Chinatown coz he is among the 1st wave to go there. When midnight 12am strike, new year is here and is also dear's birthday... Heard frm him tat they sang him a birthday song over the walkie talkie... Haha... So sweet of his buddies...

As for me, I have customised something for him but yet to collect. Originally thinking to bring him out for dinner but e has family reunion dinner... Haiz, too bad... but gd thing, we spent the 1st 8 to 9 hrs of his birthday together... Is not bad... Haha... Except the room is too cold... Well, never the less, wish my dear the very 1st birthday after being with me a happy birthday and all the best for him. Too bad is a new year 1st day or I would have spent the whole day with him all he wants... Haha... U can conclude I m juz too sticky with my darling... Haha...

** I did a stupid thing... Brought camera yet forgot to take photos of we 2... Haiz... So sad so depressing...**

Feelings and Thoughts

2006-01-25T11:11:00.000+08:00

It's has been like 1 week or so since I last updated the blog... Haiz... No mood lately... Too many conflicts between him n me lately. Minor things can even quarrel. Actually some of the conflicts fault lies on me. Juz like I grumbled his schedule is always sjab sjab sjab but I neglected the fact that I am also in this circle, this sjab life n I should be the best person to understand this yet why I quarrel with him over this. Actually, I think I am one who need desperate amount of care, love, concern, security and accompany. And all this leads only to 1 big umbrella which is security. I can't help to worry will he 2 time behind my back. I admitted I over sensitive but can he understand that I really worried because I love him. Haiz... I know I shouldn't be the one comparing myself with his ex but subconsciously, I know he will compare so I will tend to compare within myself first. I know I shouldn't do that but I juz can't help it. I also don't know wat to do, dun dare to tell him too. Look at this rate that we are quarrelling, this thought came to both of us, "how long will we last?" It really hurt me when he told me he also had this thought because it's not I alone who had this thought. Maybe I am not the ideal girl for him, could it be? If so, maybe I should let go and give him a chance to patch back with his ex. But I know I can't let go coz I dun bear to let go. I dunno how good is his ex to him but if in his heart, he felt that she is the better one then why not. I dun want to be there obstructing him. I know I have a very bad temper n maybe he felt I am unreasonable but I dunno what to do, it's my character. I tried. To him, I am willing to put down my pride n my stubborness to give in le. What should I do? He is very sweet to me. I know he love me. Like wat he told me, he never regret choosing me even though he made the choice when he is most down and hope he will not in the future. This sentence really touches me although is only a very simple sentence. He claimed that he is not good in words but does he know that to make me touched, to make me feel being loved, it doesn't take beautiful phrase or promises. What I asked for is very very simple and he can easily do it. Maybe I shouldn't think too much and let my wild thought hurt this relationship. Haiz... Or really to him, I am not the ideal one who meet his expectation? I saw his effort to keep our relationship going. Could it be I am the one who is finding fault out of nothing? Could it be tat I m the one who dun know how to give and take when I m blaming is him? Haiz... Let me think through bah...

Talk abt some happy moment... Yesterday I went for an interview at NTUC Income as admin staff. After that meet up with Tini to have a catch up at Olive in SMU. Their cakes are fantastic. Chocolate oozing out at the side. Yummy Yummy... Haha... We are going to meet up soon again on fri at Yun's house. All my secondary school buddies are going too. So happy but too bad, dear got to prepare for sat's duty so he can't go wif me. That's the most depressing part out of this happy meetup. But I am looking forward to meet them. After which dear came along after his work and sent me home. Throughout the journey, I was telling him die le, NTUC Income they test on my IQ knowledge. My IQ damn low... Haiz... Juz look at y I choose my dear... Opps... No la... I choose him not becoz my IQ low. Is because I like him... Back to the topic, then he kept making fun of me through the journey. But the journey seems a bit too short. :P

While waiting for 159, we saw andy and christina along the way coz christina came along n tapped on me. So surprise to see them... After that we carried on chatting... Haha... Surprised that 1st time dear dun have any handy panky actions... Opps... Haha... We ended the meet up with a short yet sweet good bye kiss. Sweet??? Haha... Last night dear also promised me to go ang bao river with me since he couldn't go with me for the night safari trip. So happy... By the way, Mr Hwa is back in Singapore le... Hope to arrange a meet up with him soon... Miss him so much... But not as much as my dear... Haha...

Sweetness revolving around me...

2006-01-19T08:44:00.000+08:00

Can I take it as shine after rain? Dear yesterday first time SMS me without me initiating... Can feel his concern for me... Yesterday I send a stupid sms to him, well now think back is rather stupid, I sms dear asking him why always like I miss him de n he dun miss me meh... Haha... Of course he will miss me, I guess... So stupid of me to draft such a sms... Maybe yesterday too blur le...

Dear is unwell this 2 days. Must be the rain la causing him to get sick but he has a PN hor who advised him must take care de le... How? Jealous? :P

Love you dear... Will appreciate more on our relationship le worh... Miss you...

...Missing him...

2006-01-17T16:47:00.000+08:00

I started to miss him... But how abt him? Will he miss me like what I did? Should I drop him a sms? Am I useless? Am I being too dependent on him if I did this? Will he appreciate? Haiz... If he will juz drop me a line or sms or give a surprise appearance tonight, I believe everything will be over, will be fine. Haiz... Or should I do that 1st? Haiz... Dunno la... What to do, I love him... Juz can't deny the fact that we have lots of sweet moments... Anyway, he is still my dear, my darling and I chosen him myself because I love him. So it is even more impossible to neglect his presence. Dear, I love you n I miss you and the sweet moments we shared...

What makes a good gf?

2006-01-17T11:42:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Troubled me... We 2 seemed to have a gap between us le... Isn't it too fast? I sensed that we have a problem between us n tried to brought up to him my view but haiz, I triggered all his grumbling out. Should this be something that I should be glad about? I dunno... At least I dun need to keep guessing what's he thinking, what's his view, what's his thought... Haiz... But I dun like the idea that we behaving so distant. M I really a lousy girlfriend? M I really like wat he said? Feel so troubled... I dunno how to settle this time round le... Haiz... Have I not did enough as his girlfriend? Not showering enough care n concern or love or even understanding to him? Is it that I m too persistent in making things as what I wish it should be or is he dun understand what I actually want?

He asked me to think what I actually want to achieve from this relationship... I just want a very simple relationship with all our friends' blessing, I want to be a nice, sweet, understanding gf to him. I want him to feel that I am there for him when he faced a problem n to share his every mood. Then from him I only want him to love me, pampe me, sometimes listen to me, understand what I want or what I need. Haiz... Does he know? I dunno... Haiz... M I asking too much? I dunno and I really dunno... Haiz...

Our 1st mth...

2006-01-11T11:54:00.000+08:00

I have nearly forgotten to update this blog of mine about the happy moment we 2 shared these few days. Especially 9th Jan 2006 which is our 1st mth being together.

That day, I spent quite sometime brainstorming what to wear and where to eat and finally, we went to eat streamboat at the Suntec convention hall. I like that place so much. Delicious food. But too bad, I fell down on my way to the ladies... Now still blue black on my knee... Haiz... I gave dear a small pocket card addressing to my boyfriend. I thought very long what to give him on this special day and finally decided on this card. Hope he like it...

Finally dear, our 1st mth came... Following will be our 2nd mth, 3rd mth and there goes on and on... I enjoyed this one mth with you... I have the most memoriable sweet moments shared with you. I saw your sweetness to me, ur love to me, ur tolerance to me and how u pamper me and made me ur princess. Although I didn't say anything, I just want to tell you I mind alot about u, I appreciate when you did for me, I love you as much too. Thanks dear... I am happy I met you and enjoyed every moment with you. Haha... Dear go tell Han Song his 30 days money back guarantee can save up le... Haha...

Shine after rain

2006-01-06T09:51:00.000+08:00

I officially declared our quarrel ended...

Haha... I feel so xin fu now... Haha... Anyway, wanted to clarify about the previous post, he is not at fault, in fact is my problem. Haha... Must return dear his "qing bai"... Haha...
Hibernated 1 full day at home yesterday... Originally wanted to go dear's office to meet him for lunch but dunno how to face him so ending still decided to rot at home. I just can't help to feel that maybe I too persistant in my point of view but I juz can't convince myself to give in to him and follow his will. Good thing yesterday after work, I went down to his house nearby to meet him. Although through the journey there I was very uncertain and kept on thinking what to say to him, what to do when I meet him etc, I still very glad that I persisted to go down meet him regardless of my worries. And he really proves me right on my decision. He really made me feel like it's ok, he understand and that's enough to make me touched. A simple action like he hold my hand or his hug is good enough to make all my worries fly away. Dear, I know you love me and wanted to protect me and all u wish for is so long that I am happy and comfortable. I appreciate it dear... Just wan to shout across to u that I love u too... I am so happy I met u n noone else. U indeed r one who can tolerate this stubborn, indecisive and bad temper girl. Haha...

Unpleasant Day

2006-01-05T10:51:00.000+08:00

Dunno how to start... Haiz...
For the past 2 days, I have been meeting dear for lunch n dinner. I am still sick and I can see how dear worried for me. I felt so blissful to have him around. On Tuesday, we went Suntec to have our dinner. And while we shopped for a new pair of shoes for me, dear popped out with a sentence jokingly but it had hurt me. All I wan to say is Dear, I really never treat you tat way. After which, we proceeded on to food court to have our dinner. And after the dinner, something attracted me... The fountain of wealth... Dear and me stood there and enjoy the spectacular view of the fountain and it really made me feel peaceful and xin fu to have him beside me, enjoying the view... For that moment, I really want to tell him, I really really love him...
But yesterday, haiz... It started off very very well juz like usual. I was still grumbling to dear that lately he very dao, dun hug me back le. In fact I was playing ard with him only but ending he started to hug me. We went back HQ and now, his room is machiam like freezer andI mean it... After which, we went to dinner. I have craving for streamboat so dear brought me to eat. Through the journey we were very quiet. Dear was angry with something. I knew it very well but I still prefer he said out himself. I detected it because he 1st time din hold my hands and walk alone. I ask him he give me the "dunno" answer I already very piss off le. But I kept reminding myself keep my cool and I started to look at him, talk with him and yet I felt he dun appreciate and no intention to appreciate. For that moment, I felt very wei qu and why should I keep making myself look like a clown. I know is my fault but I really can't convince myself to give in. But can't he just say out his problem insisted of giving me the look and attitude. I wanted very much to convince myself "Relax, he is still angry, I can't also get piss off..." but I juz can't help to feel very tired that I kept on having the needs to guess his thoughts and worst thing is I also have temper de. Last night I keep controlling myself till ending I have a very bad headache and I was very unwell. Finaly after quite sometime, he finally gave me the attention. I also soften le but can't help feeling very wei qu that sick, so uncomfortable but still need to think on his point of view, finding excuse for him to convince myself not to get angry. I was very drained yesterday. All I want is juz a tight hug from him and say he understand. I also disappointed with myself can't give him wat he wan but I just dun want tat becoz he show attitude then I got to give in. Sorry dear, I really need time... Sorry...

A pErfeCt MomEnt tat We shAre...

2006-01-02T19:07:00.000+08:00

Opps...My dear finally went up to my blog le... So happy... Haha... But someone has comments le saying I finally complaining I only go HQ n Suntec and wat abt the beach that we went to...

Well well, talking about this, I am so thankful to Halim who invited us to the bbq held by his corps at Pasir Ris Park. He rang up dear and invited us in the afternoon when we enjoying our seoul garden meal last fri which dear dun need to work. When we went there, I felt so out of place coz I dunno anyone there except for Halim n maybe his 2 juniors n dear need to help them to set up the fire. And at 9 plus, dear suggested we 2 had a stroll at the beach. I was so happy. We went to play barefooted at the sand and dear started to draw "I love u" using his foot. So touched... And the sky that night was full of stars and it was so beautiful. And behind us, Halim was playing the guitar with so sentimental music. After that the tide got higher so we went back to the tentage area and started to slack there. I laid on dear's lap and appreciated Halim's music. Good life right? Haha... I enjoyed that night alot...

Today so bored... Just felt something is missing... I knew very well, caused I miss dear. He is in HQ today. Haiz... I am not well and keep coughing. Wanted him to be by my side but can't coz he can't come to my grandma house and I can't go his house and moreover I dun wan to go HQ to disturb him like yesterday like tat where he had to stop doing his stuff and sent me home. Haiz... Wat to do... Only can spend the day alone at home with a few calls tat I made to him and chatting online with him... Haiz... What a day...

Finally my blog is up after so much hard work...

2006-01-02T13:28:00.000+08:00

Finally, after great effort, my blog is up... Haha... One of the main purpose for having this blog is to jot down all the bits and pieces of my life with him around. But I still dun want to let my dear know the address to my blog. I know he is curious but let see how long he takes to find out the link to my blog bah...

~~Some details of me and him~~

* We started on 9th Dec 2005 (Fri).
* He asked me before the movie "Perhaps Love" started at GV marina and I gave him a special sms to give him an answer he wanted.
* A bit sad to say, most of our time together we were at either HQ or suntec.
* We been through a few ups and downs in this 3 weeks. But through these ups and downs, I knew deep in our hearts, we mind alot about each others.
* He spent my 20th birthday with me together with some of our friends. On the 17th Dec, 1st time we attended Gary's wedding as a couple. And dear, dun forget Gary's warning hor... Haha...
* We had an enjoyable time during Christmas Eve where we 2 went for christmas eve dinner with Xin and Steve at liang seah street. After that we went to Esplande to have our own moment.
* On Christmas, we were so busy for the BBQ held at HQ by Simon. But we 2 happily enjoying our time together.
* On New Year eve, we went to Suntec to have dinner after which, we went to Esplande to enjoy the firework. So happy he is by my side.

I enjoyed every moments with you dear. Glad that we 2 are together. Hope we 2 will last and dun forget our 4 years plan.

To RuiQi,
MY BLOG IS UP... After much of ur nagging finally I set my mind to get it done and over... Haha... Enjoy...

~~mY sWeeTesT MeMorieS~~